December 28, 2012

Blessed Laments

Blessed Laments

By Marisa Bernhard

One day, I am actually going to wake up and see what I have missed. I once had a glimpse of me, I was smart like Einstein, Marie Curie and whoever invented penicillin! I was cool like Janice Joplin, Stevie Nicks and all the hippy girls on my block when I was five.

You see I wear holey jeans with black clogs, clogs that are splattered with paint from my sister’s basement!  But I comb my hair, wear chocolate lip gloss with eye shadow, spray on Chanel No. 5, and I love pearls! That’s me too! SO WHAT!

I cry often it blurs my vision; I worry and agonize habitually – does it numb me? I think so! I wonder if everyone sees what I feel and often claim to no one don’t you see why I am this way!

In the morning I painstakingly sew up all my open wounds tucking inside them like batting my fears and worries----will this ever end!  I want to say SO WHAT but that frightens me too! I am put together a train wreck of sorts I face the outside.

I sit in boxes; boxes that move, boxes that don’t – all day long ….finally I come back and need to listen to something other than the my voice shouting all my mistakes that I created since the beginning of time……some days its Van – “Glad Tidings” plays loud and I can open my ears and hear laughter and see smiles all around me!

I am truly blessed!!!!!!! For they are not far and they do not judge….we rescued one another – they love, I love, they look, I smile, they laugh, I listen - They heal; I am healed!